Things that make me cringe: Fish that eat/destroy men’s balls

Apparently fish have become self aware and are taking their revenge on our balls.

So a friend had the brilliant idea to share an article about a fish that eats nuts, as in male genitalia.

First we have the red-bellied Pacu, who belong to the same family as the piranha, but have teeth a lot like a human’s, and their diet is mostly vegetarian. This fish turns cannibal when their usual food source becomes scarce.

A few years back in New Guinea, it began feeding on other fish, and then began attacking fishermen. Two fishermen in two separate incidents reportedly bled to death after their genitals had been bitten off by pacu fish.

As if that wasn’t scary enough, I learned of the existence of another type of fish that can pretty much destroy your urethra. We’re talking about the candiru or candirú, also known as cañero, toothpick fish, or vampire fish. It is a parasitic freshwater catfish native to the Amazon River.

“The tiny hunter shadows its prey, almost invisible due to its translucent body and small size. When the target fish exhales, the candirú detects the resulting flow of water and makes a dash for the exposed gill cavity with remarkable speed. Within less than a second it penetrates the gill and wriggles its way into place, erecting an umbrella-like array of spines to secure its position.”

That sounds painful, so grab a hold of your balls while you read the rest of this real-life horror tale.

“It is not uncommon for people swimming or bathing in the river to urinate in the water, an action which creates tiny water currents that are rich in urea and ammonia. It seems that the tiny, slender catfish cannot always distinguish a urinating human from an exhaling fish gill, and on occasion it will attempt its trademark high-speed attack on some unfortunate soul. The firmly anchored parasite immediately nibbles a hole in a nearby artery with its needle-like teeth, feasting upon the bounty that gushes forth. Within two minutes the candirú’s belly is swollen with the blood of its victim, and it retracts its gripping barbs.

When the candirú successfully invades a human, it proceeds exactly as it would with a fish host. After entering the misidentified orifice, it quickly wriggles its way in as far as possible, often accompanied by the victim’s frantic attempts to grip the slippery, mucus-coated tail. In the unlikely event that the panicked victim manages to grasp the fish, its backwards-pointing barbs would cause excruciating pain at each pull, and bring a quick end to the dramatic tug-of-war. Once inside, the parasite inches its way up the urethra to the nearest blood-gorged membrane, extends its spines into the surrounding tissue, and starts feasting.

For the candirú, this misguided journey is a one-way trip; its bloody banquet leaves it too swollen to escape. The only known retaliation against the invader is delicate and expensive surgery, or failing that, a folk remedy which combines two herbs to very slowly kill and dissolve the fish.”

If you try to pull this tiny bastard by force while his barbs are in place, you will severely damage your urethra.

See this little bastard in action.

If you didn’t grab your balls during that last shot, you sir are not human.

It’s a good think I don’t live anywhere near the Amazon. Nature sure is scary…

Sources: Here and here.

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