Cooking with Semen

I somehow stumbled upon this jewel of open-minded modern cooking…

This is not a joke, this book is called “Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes,” by Fotie Photenhauer.

According to the author,

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!

As I said this is not a joke, the book is real, the recipes are real, and for some weird reason I thought it was written by a german pornstar ;3.

What’s even funnier than what the book is about are the reviews, some were deleted for obvious reasons, some remain, but they’re funny nonetheless.

“My kids love these recipes. Big hit on the dinner table every evening. It’s wonderful that my whole family can participate in the preparation in making a meal together and this is as natural as it can be. Since purchasing this book, I’ve seen such great improvements in my childrens learning abilities and overall health besides just mine and my husbands. Semen is a wonderful source of nutrients. I even add my own breast milk to some of these recipes instead of cows milk (which I’m opposed to how dairy cows are treated). It’s a shame when semen is wasted by people just flushing it down the toilet or throw in the garbage. Throw it in the sauce! I would highly recommend this to everyone, and your family. Next time you have guests, serve one of these at the table and see the surprise and amazement on ones face when they ask for the recipe. Semen with ranch and a little lemon is great on hambugers :)”

“Oh Boy! I couldn’t wait to get this book in the mail ,I felt like I was stalking the mailman. The expedited and prompt shipping ensured that my neighborhood Bar-B-cue would be a big splash. Everyone at the party really liked the mouthwatering grilled moose knuckles. The recipes don’t take long to make at all. My dads’ Richard cranium cheese ball was delicious and when he added luxurious glitter, it made it even better. We have also found that meatball, our English pug, really liked the “nutty bacon dog treats”. We really suggest this book to all our friends and our local book club has even decided to recommend to all of its members. Our book club has an annual bike ride for charity. So, Julian and I made protein bars and shakes for everyone. These tangy but sweet treats were loved enjoyed by all. We look forward to future editions with even more exotic mouth watering semen inspired recipes! ”

” ‘semen for vegetarians’
I am a proud Vegan and am working my way towards complete fruitarianism. I have a preference for live foods (“raw” to those uninitiated).

I am aware that semen is a byproduct of a creature with a nervous system, but I am intrigued by the protein possibilities of semen for vegetarians, and its ready accessibility for me.

Leaning towards fruitarianism, I also like the fact that semen can be procured naturally, like a ripe apple that drops from a tree; it is its natural time to come…
And if Lacto-Ovo Vegetarians can eat eggs, then semen is a simple step away…

Ultimately, I am also interested in the idea of harvesting semen, semen farms, and semen husbandry.

I would be very interested in any semen recipes that make use of the live ingredient, preferably fresh and hot, so that it retains its optimum level of nutrients and taste.

Outside of simply swallowing it, as I usually do, or as one does with a can of whipped cream and their head cocked back, can anyone think of any innovative and tasty ways to prepare raw, uncooked semen?”

“I just started cooking with this book, And I think it is the most unique book in my large erection. I soon mentioned it to a few close friends and got them quite “involved” (if you will). I found it rather hard….. to keep up with tugging one out every time I want a pan cake. So my friends and I decided to add a new spice to the spice rack. Now i can cook with seaman all the time. I wonder if other seaman has different flavors. Elephant, Crocodile, Dogs, hrmm… What about races? ooohhh…. Indian curry jizz chicken sounds decadent or Asian Cock Suey mmmm… delectable. “

There was even one supposedly written by a lady, saying that she’s not married but has 3 dogs willing to help her in the kitchen, that was probably the funniest one yet, but it was removed before I could even copy it =(

Jokes aside, I wonder how the author decided to try this, I mean, why human fluids?

 So, who’s up for a bukkake? I’ll just watch though, I’ll watch hard, really hard 😉