Today I learned what “soaking” is…

And it has nothing to do with super soakers.

This makes me wonder how many Mormon girls ended up pregnant by virgin Mormon boys who ejaculated seconds after “soaking” it. I’d like to know how they teleport their penis inside so they don’t take the girl’s virginity, but still penetrate them. Does that explain Mitt Romney’s offspring army? Should I talk to them about soaking when they show up at my house and won’t leave? So many questions!

Now that I know God is a t-rex I need to find a way to masturbate without moving, sort of like mind-fapping. When there is a will, there is a way.

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